Shadow of the Day
by Somebody's Dark Angel
Summary: My chest is suddenly tight. That’s not unusual when I’m thinking about Nikki, so I take a deep breath and try to fully expand my lungs. It doesn’t work. ET POV during 3.01.


**Shadow of the Day**

She looks so beautiful. I can hardly believe I'm doing this. No sane man leaves his gorgeous, naked fiancée in bed alone. Obviously I'm insane.

Though it's almost certainly going to make me late, I can't stop myself from putting down my bag and moving back to the bed. The sheets on my side are already cool under my fingers; once again I wonder why I'm doing this to her. It's so rare that we're able to wake up together and not have to rush back to the ship. I sit down gently, so as not to move the mattress too much, watching her face as she dreams.

The smile on her face is the same huge grin she treated me to multiple times last night. And once earlier this morning. I can almost _feel_ the happiness radiating off her and, as the diamond on her finger sparkles in the sunlight, the warm feeling in my chest expands, until I feel like my heart is going to explode. She agreed to marry me. We're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

A loud noise roars past my eardrums, shaking the plaster loose and rattling Lancelot's bowl. The grin on my face stretches wider and I reach out to push her onto her side. My fingers trail over her bare shoulder of their own accord, tracing invisible patterns on her soft skin. I can't wait until I can do this whenever I please; when I don't have to worry about onlookers misinterpreting a touch or a look. She might snore like a lawnmower, but I wouldn't change her for the world.

Her dogtags are slung over the corner of the bedside table, and they sway with the movement of the bed as I roll her over. It's the gentle clinking of the chain that reminds me why I can't spend the morning watching my girlfriend – my _fiancée_ – sleep, the way every fibre of my being so desperately wants to. Fiancée. The word catches in my throat as I write her a note. If anyone had told me three years ago that I'd soon be a) leaving the Navy and b) engaged, I would have told them to get their head examined. Yet here I am. And I couldn't be happier about it.

My watch beeps loudly – it's 0600 hours. I really need to get moving. If I'm going to leave the Navy, I need to have another job lined up. There's no way I'd make Nikki support me while I got my act together. It's going to be tough enough not seeing one another every day, I won't put any more obstacles in our way.

As I shoulder my bag, I throw one last glance at her peaceful form, trying to commit every curve to memory. It's only going to be two days, but it always seems longer. And, given last night, I know this trip will drag on forever.

………………

So much for two days. We're now nearing the end of our third full day of diving, and it doesn't look like things are anywhere near done. As far as I know, each outing is supposed to bring in a certain amount of coral and fish. But the demand is never-ending and it seems like we collect more every trip.

Not that it makes any difference to me; I'm ecstatic to have a job that pays me to do something I love. I am still learning how to deal with the near-constant action. In the Navy, on a patrol boat in particular, there are patrols where nothing happens – actually, most of them are like that, with nothing more interesting than an FFV or two in an entire 10-day patrol. Of course there are the more eventful times, like in Samaru last year; but with this job, there's no downtime, except for the mandated time on boat to regulate our blood flow after deep water dives.

Another thing I'll have to get used to is the different faces. As a casual, at the moment I'm one of the rotation, but once I'm full time it'll be me having to learn new names and faces on every trip. So different to the crew of _Hammersley_, where there have only been a few personnel changes in the past three years.

Whenever I ask about the end of the trip, the only answer is worryingly non-committal. We only have a week of shore leave, and I would really like to spend some time with my new fiancée before returning to professionalism. It's not like we've been slacking off, so how can a two day job possibly take this long?

It's our last dive of the day and, as usual, everyone's going in. I stare out to sea as I wait for the others to get their gear ready; a very important lesson the Navy taught me was to always have everything ready to go at a moment's notice. So while they shed wetsuits and masks and flippers all over the deck after coming up from a dive, my things are placed neatly in a corner, ready for the next excursion.

A sparkle catches my eye – one of the full-timers is taking off his wedding ring – and my thoughts turn to Nikki. I wonder what she's doing with her time off? Knowing her, she's out at a footy game, or catching up with her non-Navy girlfriends. Has she told anyone about our engagement? Obviously we can't make it official until after the next rotation, but I hope she has at least shared the news with someone – she should celebrate, even if I can't be there to do so with her.

It feels like forever since I last saw her, though I know it was really only a few days ago. God, how am I going to handle her being away for a week or more at a time? But then, I suppose I'll be busy too. Yeah, that's it. If we both away and working, we'll cope. Especially if the goodbye is as awesome as it was that night. A huge grin spreads over my face as I relive what may now be termed Our Engagement Night. We never did get around to eating the dinner she'd prepared…

A clap on the shoulder breaks me out of my daydream; it seems we're ready to dive. As the newest member of the team, it's my responsibility to stay up top and do the final checks of the equipment before going in myself, so I watch the two leaders hop in to test the air. Everything is fine, as it always is, and it's not long before the rest of us join them in the water.

The sun is about to set, so the sky is a gorgeous mixture of pink and blue. _I wish Nikki could see this._ The thought crosses my mind before I realise what I'm thinking, and I chuckle. Since when have I turned into a romantic sap? The answer comes instantly: since I fell for Nikki. It's enough to convince me that I made the right decision taking this job.

Just as I'm about to dive, I spot something on the horizon. Weird… it almost looks like our boat. But why would the Robsenns send two boats out to the same area at the same time? Shrugging it off, I press my mask to my face and dive. I don't need to be worrying about things I have no control over.

………………

As is the norm these days, I think about Nikki while I work. Though the thoughts have become somewhat… cleaner... since we started sleeping together for real. Now they're more along the lines of a how to wangle our next date without our friends finding out.

Today, I'm thinking about the night before this trip began. I still have no idea why I asked her then. We've been dating less than a year, and while I've had the ring for a good three months, I told myself I'd wait until she said it. I know she has trust issues, stemming from a string of boyfriends who only wanted one thing from her, so I never pushed her to verbalise her feelings. Hell, it took us long enough to get to our second date.

Then the fisherman died in my arms. The decision I'd been agonising over the past few months was made in an instant, and my future was planned. But I had to know if she would share it with me. And, to my delight, she accepted almost before I'd finished asking. When she leaned down to kiss me, that huge smile on her face, all the worries were erased from my head. It didn't matter that she hadn't expressed her feelings with words; she was showing me everything I needed to know.

My chest is suddenly tight. That's not unusual when I'm thinking about Nikki, so I take a deep breath and try to fully expand my lungs. It doesn't work. Neither does shaking my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts. Actually, the movement makes things worse; it feels like my head is full of cotton wool.

Blinking, I see two of my fellow divers near me. With the masks it's hard to see their expressions, but I can tell from their panicked movement that they've also realised something's wrong.

I can't breathe properly. No, wait… I can inhale fine. But the air isn't the same as it was… It takes a few more breaths before I realise; there's no oxygen. Did something happen to the pump? I don't think so – the gas is still coming through fine. The mixture must have been changed.

All of a sudden I'm a few feet above the other divers; my feet have started kicking toward the surface. I look up and sigh. We're diving deep and the surface is barely visible. There's no way I can make it up in time. Already my lungs are screaming for air and my vision is going dark at the edges.

I can't die, I'm engaged! We have our whole future ahead of us; everything is falling into place. Nikki… what is this going to do to her? I promised her she wouldn't lose me. I promised Buffer I wouldn't hurt her.

No, I can't give up so quickly!

I reach for the knife strapped to my calf, but I can barely touch the hilt. My legs seem a lot longer than they usually are; it's a struggle to pull the blade from the sheath. Finally it comes free and I can cut my weight belt.

Without it, I'm moving through the water quickly, desperate to get to the surface. I won't leave her alone, not without a fight. My arms churn the water around me; the fish quickly dart away.

Pain explodes in my head, completely overtaking that in my chest. The change in pressure is too much too quickly. My limbs slow as the realisation takes over.

I can't make it.

The certainty weighs heavily on my heart. I'll never see Nikki again, nor any of my friends. _I'm sorry, Nikki._ Her face flashes before my eyes and I exhale, silently mouthing the words. _Nikki, I love you._

My consciousness is fading quickly… I have one last thought before everything fades to black. Spider's voice. _Fish do breathe air, ET._

_fin._


End file.
